I am not a self harmer. There you go I said it. I do however hurt myself in time of imense stress. Case in point two weeks ago I was sat at my desk at work and I had this overwhelming feeling of despair come over me. I sat there with tears filling my eyes and it started. I started scratching at my wrist to make it bleed and to feel something other than the despair and it worked. I felt something other that despair the pain took it away and the tiny drops of blood that rose to the surface were smeared down the back of my hand when I wiped it away.
Up until I was diagnosed with Bipolar I didn’t believe that SH was a mental thing I thought it was an attention thing. I had a young friend whilst I lived in America who my wife and I would talk to online all the time. She claimed to have started Self Harming, we had no reason to disbelieve her at the time and today I doubt it even less. I know she wrote of burning herself with candles but I don’t recall if she ever cut, it would surprise me though she was pretty intense about it. I only ever met her once in person and that was before she started SH and she seemed like a normal well adjusted person (you can only really tell once you have met someone I think). She did have an over bearing mother, a VERY overbearing Mother and I am sure that’s where her problems stemmed from. Once I had digested all the facts back then I came to the conclusion that she was just crying out for attention… now I know different.
Can Self Harming be a loud cry for attention or help… yes… but there has to be something chemically imbalenced for you to take a knife or razor blade and slice your arms legs or even your face up.
I wish I had my time with my young friend again and know then what I know now… I could have been so much more support for her. I hope she is OK now and in a better place.
Until Next Time…
Johnny Cash’s Version of Trent Reznors Hurt