Voices In My Head

I have a new toy. I have an iPod and it came at just the right time. My voices are attacking me full pelt this week. It’s been so hard to concentrate without music playing, my family think I have gone off them as I have been plugged into the bloody thing since Friday morning when it arrived. It’s “Chromatic Green” as the sales bumph would have me told. It’s the 16gig version so I have a few audio books and about 50 albums on there. I didn’t realise how eclectic my musical tastes were till I tried to put a play list together for an iPod.

ipodI feel like I am now a fully fledged gadget freak. From my first little 128mb no name mp3 player I had 5 years ago to have having the named mp3 player today. I don’t like to rush things, but from what I have experienced the past three days I will never buy anything other than iPod from now on. I’ll even buy them as gifts for people who don’t want them. I have been listening to lots of different music lately… Kings of Leon why haven’t I heard these guys before Only By The Night is a great album and they deserved their Brit award the other night. The Foo Fighters another band that my little brother has been badgering me to listen to. Now I have I am gonna have to look up more of their stuff. I have even found the time to listen to the whole of the Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy audio book for the first time in god knows how long. I didn’t realise how much I had missed not listening to it through headphones. I mean you aren’t missing out on subliminal messages or anything like that, but you actually have the words going straight into your head and not wafting around the room when you listen through speakers. I have listened to the radio play so many times I know it virtually verbatim but the book has so much more detail…. I have encoded the other four books into audio book format and have them on my iPod too so when I get a few hours when i don’t feel like listening to music I can listen to a book.

Surprisingly to me it doesn’t matter what I am listening to it seems to quiet the voices. I had always though that listening to a spoken word piece would be too cluttered as the voices would over power it, but listening to HHGTTG didn’t get overpowered. It was a pleasant surprise.

In Other BP related news. I have been discharged from the care of my CPN. Apparently she has a new “ROLE” within the mental heath team and is no longer “on the road.” I am to still call the MHT if I need them but my main care will be through the medication management team and my PDoc. Now this is not to bad It was the same as it was before I was assigned a CPN, but I have two small problems with this set up. The last three MM meetings have been cancelled (no Scratch that) EVERY meeting with the medication Management team has been cancelled and I have no appointment to start again. I got myself so psyched up to take part in this and gove it my all and now they are playing silly arses. The other problems was raised earlier this week when we called down to the MHT to find out when my last appointment was (My IB50 form needed that info) and my mum was told that my next Pdoc appointment was not scheduled until MAY. that would be about a 4 month gap between meetings… I am not happy about that esspecially seeing as the MM meetings aren’t happening and my medications are on the frizz again. A Psychotic episode like the one I am in at the moment hasn’t lasted this long in quite some time and it’s starting to worry me.

But anyway I have to go to bed now, I have a meeting in the morning with a team of employment trainers who are going to help me get trained for some kind of work in computers (I hope). It was set up for me by the Pathways to Work people I met with last Monday as part of the Incapacity Benefit agreement. I have to have 5 of these meetings and as long as I keep attending and saying all the right things and doing all the right things and not messing up in my usual style I will get to keep my benefit as long as I need it and who knows I may actually get trained to do a job I enjoy rather than hate and get stressed about. We’ll see.

Until Next Time…

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