I went to the doctors with Linda this morning. I had an ulterior motive, I wanted to get the results of my COPD test that I was forced to take a couple of weeks ago. COPD for this not in the know is the new fangeled way of saying Emphasyma. I was pissed when I got the letter asking me to go. I didn’t need anything else wrong with me and I certainly didn’t want anyone telling me my lungs were shot to shit. I know I have problems… I am Asthmatic and I am a smoker. Not the best combination to have but I am also a loon who needs the calming relief of that smoking brings. That all changed this morning when I was told that I have the lungs of a 68 year old. “Cool” was my first reaction… I have the lungs of Keith Richards and I didn’t have as much fun. Then the reality kicked in not to long after that and I solemnly said to the Doc,
“Time to quit eh?”
I so wanted him to give me another out like he had in the past when we discussed my quitting and it not being a good idea at the time with my BP. No such luck today. Today he was all:
“Well it would help your lungs and not too mention it would help some with your diabetes and cleaning up your blood so it works better”
My heart sank and it dawned on me that I would have to give up one of my two and a half remaining vices and I’ll be damned if I am giving up Sex and Coffee.
So as of the end of my open packet of tobacco I am going smoke free. Which means I will be posting a lot more about how fucking miserable I am and how the world hates me… I hate myself right now. I never wanted to start smoking but was lulled into it being a week ass pussy and listening to my Best Friend at school saying:
“It’s not that bad”
Asshats the pair of us, me and him.
Mum and Linda have said they would quit with me. I’ll see that happen I am sure… when hell freezes over.
The way I see it is I just have to be strong twenty times a day and weak willed and limp for the other 20 hours of the day. I can cut that down some by sleeping and doing more proactive things…. I plan on getting our gardens in some kind of shape. So that will take two or three days to help get the crap out of my system. I just have to break that initial habit of rolling them and lighting up.
In other news, I have downloaded and am listening to a 1993 version of Jesus Christ Superstar US A.D Tour. It brings together the two leads from the 1973 film Ted Neeley as Jesus and Carl Anderson as Judas. They both sound great and it’s a great show. I saw the 2000 DVD release of the 2000 revival in London and that one is a lot more urban than this. This I think is a lot more faithful to the original version than some others I have heard and seen. Superstar can often in the wrong hands be a dangerous beast, it’s so easy to over do the camp late 60’s early 70’s Hippy crap or to the other extreme make the whole thing look like it’s guerilla warfare in the confrontation scenes.
On Monday I had my second Pathways to Work meeting and I have drawn the conclusion that it’s going to a long slog to get back to work. Not that I am rushing back at the moment. My health is no where near at the advanced stage that would even get me out there to face the rejection of not getting the jobs I go up for. The way I see it, is that people are not going to hire a loon like me when there are 25 perfectly sane people waiting in line before me. People who don’t have the baggage to have to get medically stoned to leave the house.
My post on religion is still in the works and I promise I will have yet another stab at getting it up and posted either today or tomorrow. I have to rationalise everything as I go along as it’s the way I roll. I have the basic outline but it’s fleshing it out so it’s more than just : I am Blah blah I believe Blah Blah. I want to give a reasoned argument for the way I feel the way I do.
That’s about it from me for now.
Until Next Time…