OK, I admit it I missed a couple of doses of meds this past week but does that really give my head the excuse to go all curley whirly on me. Nothing seems to be calming me down. I am as jumpy as a Cajun catfish on the end of a hook and I am seeing shit that should never be seen by a human. Oh and yeah, I can smell my feet, and I took a shower this morning. I think I need new slippers or a new med to get rid of smelly hallucinations.
Honestly I have tried sleeping through it, I have re-introduced the 1mg of respiridone to take me back up to 7mgs a day I have tried eating healthy. I used the relaxation stuff I was given, but none of it seems to work. I am at this precise moment listening to Fleetwood Mac in the hope that Stevie Nicks will whisk the funk away. I am sure Lindsey Buckingham is holding her back but I dun care she will pull through for me.
I am getting more and more preoccupied with things that don’t really need that much attention. If I make a cup of coffee it has to be done in a certain way. Every time the milk has to come out of the fridge just before the kettle boils and then I have to stir it ten times one way and ten times the other. If I didn’t know any better I’d say I was getting a little OCD over coffee. Which is quite scary seeing as I drink 7 or 8 cups of coffee a day. I know I am doing it and it’s becoming a real drag going through the rigmarole every time.
It seems that the symptoms are all coming at once. Along with the repetitious stuff, I am getting paranoid and hallucinating. The Paranoia is based around anything that I am unsure of. If someone mentions an un-named person on Twitter, Facebook or an online forum, I usually assume it’s me that they are talking about and I try and find a way of assuaging the feeling by trying to offer a solution. OK that’s me being helpful but I know the reason behind being helpful. If I offer the solution and suddenly I can no longer see the feed or whatever I know it’s me. In a rational way of thinking I know I have done nothing wrong, but I still get the paranoia questions running through my head:
Did I say Something Wrong?
Did I do something Wrong?
Did I get to Pushy and come of creepy and stalkerish?
To make the paranoia worse I am seeing things again. Surprisingly not the man outside the window, but bugs flying and crawling all around me. I am also seeing someone crawling under my computer desk. It’s a glass topped computer desk and I see a dark shadow of a figure crawling underneath. Of course I know it’s not there now but it’s getting more and more frequent and I am constantly looking for the figure to be there. I really want all this to stop and let my head get back to a normal space.
Until Next Time…