Triggers

I posted yesterday on Twitter that my mood was basically shot to all hell. I haven’t felt this down in quite some time, so venting out on Twitter was an unusual thing for me. I usually like to keep my emotions to myself and this blog. Twitter is for a bit of fun and supporting the friends I have made on there. I see so much drama on Twitter, I don’t need to add to it.

For me to open up and blurt out that my world was about as low as it could go was a big thing. I didn’t expect replies but I got a couple. The one that spoke to me the most was from @moodmonster who suggested that I could be going through post election slump. After sitting back and thinking about that for the past 24 hours I think she may be right. She said that she had been very down after George W. Bush was elected. To be honest I think EVERYONE was the same, the American presidential race and the President himself is a global office, so much more so than the Prime Minister of the UK. That’s not to say that Prime Ministers are not important but they don’t have the same , you know….. RAW POWER behind them. I am sure that the New York Times and Washington Post didn’t have front page splashes of Gordon Brown leaving Number 10 and have the Lizard Boy David Cameron turn up and take over the mantle. It’s just not the same.

I seem to have a few triggers that are event related:

  • The Death of my Father – I was undiagnosed at the time but looking back I see all of the signs
  • Actually being Diagnosed with Bipolar had a really hard effect on me – I kind of went into meltdown for about a month after I was told. The world was against me
  • 9/11 I was depressed and emotionally wrought for weeks after that event and I only watched it on TV.

I have everyday triggers that seem irrational to me as a person aged 36. If I don’t get my own way I can be a petulant little child. I will and DO sulk in a literal corner for hours. I can be a moody teenager who sits in his literal corner and just blasts music until the world goes away. If I have to deal with bureaucracy of any kind… Bill Collectors, Catalogue Company, Doctors Office, I get very stressy and wish someone else would deal with it and often I will put off something to my own detriment. Hell I lost the best credit card deal ever because I avoided the telephone for three months and now my credit rating is screwed for the next 18 months (It was three years but that was 18 months ago).

I really wish that my triggers ended there.. but they don’t. and they are to ingrained in me to explain properly. I have auditory and visual hallucinations, and when they get to strong and to forthright in my head I get triggered to start doing some weird shit to try and force them back. The latest being I now trry and engage them in meaningful conversation to try and find out what they want and what I could possibly do to make them be quiet or even heaven help me go away permanently. The answer is always the same

“Shut ya face FATBOY… We’re here to stay”

Lovely peoples I hang with eh?

enough of my rambling witterings. The best advice I can cack handedly offer is… DON’T LET THE BASTARDS GET YA DOWN.

Oh Yeah Pdoc appointment tomorrow… will update with what he says then.

Be safe y’all

Until Next Time…

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