I spent most of last week hiding out. The depression was kicking my ass big time and it was a sucky way to spend my birthday week, timing was never my strong suit. I had my discussion group on Monday which went well, lots to talk over and really engaging debate. By the end of the meeting I had kind of decided that I wouldn’t be attending this weeks meeting as the topics being discussed would probably trigger my depression even more. The main topic of conversation this week was to be the new Coalition Government and what they would do for us as a community. As I mentioned last week, it was suggested that I was in a Post Election Slump and I think going over all the bollocks that has been spouted the past ten days would just piss me off even more, so I skipped it.
I didn’t leave the house between Monday and Friday, and then it was only because I had a psych appointment. I was a little surprised at how quickly I got this appointment. I usually have to wait 3 to 4 months between appointments, this one was just 7 weeks between them. I think it goes back to the failed Promazine trial. That failed so hard it actually hurt inside. I was put onto Lorazapam again and the rage depleted somewhat and turned into depression. From one extreme to the other. I am getting better at handling depression. I now just take it on the chin and ride the storm. I go quiet and listen to my music and hope that everyone leaves me alone. I am twistedly happy in my little depressed world. I do feel sorry for those around me as they are having to tread on eggshells all the time, but they are getting good at treading on them with cutting their feet.
Anywho my psych appointment. I went in their depressed and came out with a little more hope in the world. During all the change over between Promazine and Lorazapam someone in the chain of prescriptions and faxes had screwed up big time. When I was taken off the Promazine my next repeat came in with no Lorazapam but with another drug that had a similar name Promethazine. While this drug would not have had any adverse reaction to my taking it, it’s a scary fucking thought that some dumb fuck can misread a clearly written fax and prescribe the wrong drugs to a mentally ill person. I am fortunate that I have Linda to take care of my medication. I think if I had been taking sole care of the drugs I don’t think I would have been as observant. We spent nearly two weeks trying to get to the bottom of who had made the foobar and to see if this was actually a sanctioned change from my Psych. I googled the drug as soon as we noticed and it would have done nothing for me and we were at a loss at to why the psych would have prescribed it. We finally got the answer at Fridays appointment and I don’t think teh psych was to pleased with the chain of events. He said he was going to look into the mix up. I don’t know if he will but I had a word with my GP about it on Monday and it wasn’t him that did the changes to the repeat but then again he didn’t say who did make the changes so no Holy Fires Of Retribution for me to deal out.
Back to the Psych on Friday, he was a bit concerned that my depression was lasting longer and longer and the cocktail not working to well. He didn’t want to change any of the mood stabilisers as they “seem to be doing a job” but he did increase my Mirtazapine to 45mg a day to see if that would do anything. Taking a look at how I have been since Friday I think it has had a positive effect on me as I haven’t been as dark and I haven’t been wallowing in Pink Floyd Land for the past few days. I am currently In John 5 Land which is DIRTY NASTY guitar rock and roll.
I have no idea how long I’ll have to wait for my next appointment but as always he said that if I need to, I can call him any time.
Any that’s it from me I am off to cook up some Pasta and sauce for dinner.
Until Next Time…