I probably shouldn’t start writing this blog post at almost 11.30 at night, but seeing as I have opened up the WordPress admin page 5 times so far this evening it must mean that I subconsciously have something to say. So let’s find out where this screwy little brain of mine wants to go tonight shall we.
I am hoping that I can get some decent sleep so I can try and break this Seroquel cycle that I seem to be stuck in. I take my pills at 10ish in the evening and then go to be around midnight. I am usually up at around 8ish with the old pain in the back breathing trouble and then within a couple of hours I am back in bed till early afternoon. If it wasn’t for that darn pesky breathing thing I am sure that getting up at 10am would be quite sufficient and would lead to a more productive me who could get on with his day.
Getting on with my day, that’s a little bit of a joke you see. My days consist of sitting at my computer waiting for the next spam comment to turn up on my blog or drop into my email inbox. I know that writing that seems pretty pathetic and that pretty much sums up how I feel about myself most days. The fact that I can’t face going outside and the mere thought of interacting with anyone all but cripples me with anxiety. I am afraid that I am going to have to explain all this to some drone one day and have no words to explain it because I am so socially retarded at this point in time I don’t think I could do it if I tried. Oh yeah I better get over that by Monday lunchtime as I have to explain myself and my illness to the access team at the local CMHT. That should be fun. Now I have to justify why I need medical help on a regular basis and not have them stop my treatment of just have my GP deal with my medication. As much of a nice guy as my GP is I don’t think I trust him to not just stop half my pills cold turkey and leave me to rot in the eventual spiral of despair that would arise from such actions.
That’s it from em I am going to bed to begin yet another sleep cycle that should finish before Noon…well we can hope.
Until Next Time…