A New Start

I had my first meeting with the new CMHT on the Monday just gone. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, I am just glad that I had Mum and Linda there to back me up. I was feeling the effects from the previous nights Seroquel and being up early and not being able to go back to bed to sleep it off led to an iffy first impression with the access team. I tried to answer all of their questions the best I could but my brain just wasn’t connecting that morning. I suppose it’s best that they see me at my worst and for once my body co-operated. They asked all the usual questions you would ask someone in a getting to know you type meeting. What my symptoms were? What do I do throughout the day? What did I think my current state of mind is at the moment?

The Nurse who was leading the meeting was quite nice, I have forgotten his name already, hell I had forgotten it within Ten minutes of him telling me it. He commented that I seemed over medicated. Not tired or withdrawn, but over medicated. I guess for the first time I actually see my general malaise as being over medication and not depression for the most part. To a certain point I do agree with that. It does take me a fucking long time to get my arse in gear if I am awake before noon. My mornings at the moment are completely shot, I just simply cannot function. I have to start getting used to the feeling of being tired and working through it. I can’t simply keep going back to bed until the middle of the afternoon, it’s just lazy. I mentioned to them that my GP had changed my Seroquel to the modified release version and that I thought that was what I thought could be contributing to my general tiredness during the day. I asked on the off chance if they knew of a way that they could change it back to the regular one hit wonder version I was on before I saw my GP. They said that they shouldn’t think it would be a problem to get the Psychiatrist to do a prescription for the regular kind (and they did.)

I was with them for about 30 minutes and I was almost relieved to know I was now back into some kind of Mental Health system, They don’t work the same way that my old CMHT did where you are under a psych permanently. You see them for as long is as needed to get sorted and then you are discharged back to your GP for medication reviews. I am not sure I like this way of working as my GP is very gung ho when it comes to medication. It’s almost as if he is anti medication at times. He wants you on as little as possible, but I would be very wary of him changing to much  mostly because of his wanting to change my medication within 5 minutes of meeting me at our first meeting. But I think I have a long way to go with the psych before anything like that happens. I think they want to reduce my prescription before they get rid of me. I think they were more concerned than I was at the amount of drugs I am on, that viewpoint has changed over this past week but whatever it takes to get me through. My medications are a finely balanced tight rope act. Any changes that are made are usually met with mood swings and depression. I don’t why I am so sensitive to them but any change and you can almost bet a pound to a penny that you will notice the change in me within a few days.

They asked me what sort of services I had up at my old place so I mentioned the drop in place I used to go to for relaxation groups and discussion groups. They said they had something similar here where they do various courses in stuff like photography and practical things. I had mentioned that the Bungalow had been one of the places that allowed me to get out and meet people and not be just confined to the house. They are going to get some info together and let me know on what groups are run around here… the photography one sounds promising. I might have to invest in a better camera for it though.. I don’t think my little one would do much justice to a proper course in photography.

At the end of the meeting they went and had a conflab with the Psych and came back to the waiting room and called me back to the room where we had had the meeting and asked a couple of questions, they went of again and came back 5 minutes later with a prescription for regular Seroquel and an appointment to see the Psych at the start of next month. So we are off and running.

In other news, I got my birthday present two months early this week. I am now an E-Book reader. It’s a nice little reader that does exactly what I want it to do. It is an LCD display so it lights up and is readable in the dark (bedtime.) So far I have read The Hobbit and am half way through Dan Brown’s Deception Point. It has reinvigorated the reader in m e. It’s so easy to use and because it’s just about an inch thick (with the leather cover on it) it doesn’t feel like I am sat there ploughing through a doorstop of a book. It’s deceptive and lulls you into reading more and more. It’s just a little click down one page and you can manage just one more click before you close it up and lay down to sleep. It got me like that on Monday night (the night I got it) and ended up reading another 40 pages of the book.

Well that’s it from me for another night. If you prey meditate or give thoughts out… say a little something for the people of Japan this weekend. They have a long road ahead of them and it’s only getting worse for them at the moment.

Until Next Time…