Let’s Make A Deal

So, I saw my CPN today. As always he was alright about seeing me. very welcoming to both Me and Linda. We sat and had a little chat about how everything is going in general and how Linda was feeling after having Pneumonia. Then we got down to the nitty gritty of what’s really been going on.

I explained to him that for the past two weeks I had been slowly sinking into a depressive funk. There wasn’t a fixed point or even that triggered it off. I tried to explain that I thought it was just a general mood swing that had gotten out of control. My head was fuzzy from the Seroquel hangover that has been prevalent over the past few weeks, I explained that to him as well. That fact seemed to overtake anything else that I said. He immediately seemed to think that my depression was only lasting up until Lunch time when the effects of the previous nights pills had worn off. I just didn’t have the energy or the will power to contradict him… I really should have.

After going through the details he thought for a while and asked if I was on an Anti Depressant. I am but I’ll be damned if I could remember which one. He left the room and looked at my notes and came back and revealed that I was on Reboxatine at 4mg a day. He thought it would be a good idea to increase that up to 8 and see how it went from there. Of course him being a CPN would have to get clearance from a consultant.

Now my Consultant is head strong and VERY opinionated. I know most of them are like that but this one boarders on militant. If you don’t remember she is the one who after seeing me for about an hour decided that I was no longer Bipolar and that I was over medicated and would need to dump half of the drugs I was on. Now she turned out to be correct on the medication front. We have reduced the medication and for the most part I have come out of the other side pretty well, feeling 100% better. So it’s one all there. I still think I am Bipolar and my CPN has said in the past that he doesn’t think the consultant actually meant that I had been cured, just that other things have evolved into my diagnosis. No one will actually put down in writing for me what has evolved and what the actual names are for these things, but I am sure I’ll find out eventually.

Anyway back to the meeting. My CPN rang the consultant and left a message. They were due to have a big team meeting this afternoon and he wanted to have a chat about me after that. When she rang back a few minutes later they spoke about the meeting and then I was bought up. Apparently this consultant has a photographic memory for all of her patients. She seemed to remember me by name, well she did say that I was the only patient of hers that was on the amount of medication I was on at the start of the year. Not a bad way to be remembered.. also not a bad way to get shafted for any increase in dosages. The CPN gave his basic run down of what I had told him (and what he thought I told him) and then suggested the increase in Reboxatine. All he had to say was “oh” and I knew I wasn’t getting my increase. Instead she has decided that if I want to increase any of my dosages I have to give up one of my other medications. She didn’t want to make any firm choices over the phone so she said they would talk after their weekly clinical meeting tomorrow. My CPN got off the phone and explained what he was told and then suggested that the Seroquel would most likely be the one that was reduced. As soon as that was said I said NO (yes I bolded me speech pattern.) I explained to him that Seroquel is the one drug that has done what it was designed to do and got me through some sticky shit since I started taking it and there is no way on the planet that I would be willing to decrease it… I wasn’t willing to increase it either. Seroquel at the 400mg dose that I am on has pretty much stopped the prevalent voices and hallucinations and is finally helping with sleep. So you can see why I am loathed to stop or mess around with it.

He asked which of the medications I am on would I be willing to alter. I reminded him of what the consultant had asked me at my CPA meeting. She had asked me to try reducing my Lamotragine. She wanted me to take it for two or three days, skip a day and take it for two or three days and skip one.. repeat until I was skipping more than I was taking. |I never actually did this for two reasons. 1. I was pissed off with her for taking all my drugs away (hell i didn’t know it would turn out alright) and 2. I wanted that stability of two mood stabilisers in my cocktail. She had taken one of my Anti Psychotics I wasn’t going to hang myself for anyone. Anyway I explained that to my CPN and he said he would tell the Consultant that I was willing to drop that one and he would push for an increase in my other mood stabiliser Depakote. I thought that was fair.

Anyway, I have to wait until sometime tomorrow afternoon to find out what the powers who hold the reigns of my mental health in their hands have decided. I am feeling kind of rail roaded into this sort of change. I am just not used to it. It feels like I am being punished for my past doctors mistakes. It’s like it’s all my fault that I was over medicated. I wonder if my notes that were sent from my old CMHT have something in them about me that was not told to me before I moved. I guess without asking for all of my note I’ll never know. I am reluctant to know what the majority of my notes say as I am sure they aren’t pretty.

Anyway that’s it from me for now.

Until Next Time…

One comment

  1. Your consultant’s attitude has really pissed me off. Not because she wants to reduce your medications per se, but because of the complete lack of autonomy she’s affording you in this situation. It’s your mental health, not her’s! Gah!

    I really hope your CPN can get through to her about the Depakote.

    Also, you should have every right to ask what your diagnosis is. I’m preparing for a showdown on that score next month – my CPN reckons I have either bipolar I with psychotic features or schizoaffective disorder, but getting confirmation of either from the shrink isn’t going to be easy. I don’t get why they’re so trigger-happy with diagnoses internally, but as soon as the effected patient has a query, they clam up. Grr!

    Anyway, good luck for tomorrow – I hope the results of their meeting go the way you want.

    Take care

    Pan x