I meant to post the outcome of the discussion my CPN had with my Psych last week, but.. well.. life got in the way.
I am going to keep this VERY short and basic as whilst checking a few facts for this post I have come across a couple of things that have given me food for thought.
- The Lamotrigine has gone – How many times are they going to bribe me to take something away before they make any kind of change?
- The Depakote has had the dosage timings changed – From 750mg’s 2x a day to 500mg’s in the morning and 1000mg’s at night. Apparently this will ease the sedation I am feeling.
- The Reboxitine has been increased from 4mg’s daily to 6mg’s.
At the end of all this all I had wanted was the final thing. I wanted an increase in my Anti Depressant to help me get through this bloody depression. Something to help me stop having to plaster on fake smiles when ever I leave the house.
Last Wednesday before I spoke to my CPN I was out in town with Mum and Linda. We had been for our Flu shots and then decided to go out and get some breakfast. After breakfast we headed into town with the plan to do a little shopping. After we had breakfast we took our coffees out onto the Coffee shops forecourt so we could have a cigarette and finish our drinks. While out there we were approached by a so called “gypsy” (I say so called.. I doubt this woman had about as much true gypsy blood in her than I did) she stood by the side of our table and asked 4 times if we wanted to buy her “Lucky” Heather. She was told “No” in ever increasing firmness but she kept on asking. After we finished our drinks we walked up the high street and between the coffee shop and the Pound shop (maybe 1000metres) I was stopped another 3 times by these women who had descended en mass. I was quickly losing my cool. Every time I looked up they were in my face. Mum and Linda went into the Pound shop and I waited outside as it was crowded and I just didn’t want to handle it. Whilst waiting I put on my headphones and turned my iPod on. Once I had chosen the album I wanted to listen to I looked up and BAM… There was another one of these women directly in my face. I was startled and my first reaction was to draw back my fist and get ready to hit this person. I raised my voice and she walked off quicker than she had approached me. That was me done. I had to get out. I was so angry.. I had a red mist in front of me and everyone was my enemy. I didn’t really calm down until the next morning.. and saying that.. I still feel more anger in me than normal.
When I spoke to my CPN that afternoon I told him what had happened and he wanted to know why I hadn’t mentioned this when I saw him on the Tuesday… I wanted to slap him upside the head.. how could I tell him something that hadn’t happened yet? He advised that I stay out of busy areas for a couple of weeks until I am due for a review of the med changes (next Wednesday.) What he thinks will be achieved in two weeks I don’t know.. but they are the ones who are supposed to know what’s for the best.
On that note.. Here is a question I hope any reader that happens across this will give their opinion on in the comments.
How much and How far are we (the patient) supposed to trust and go along with our healthcare providers suggestions before we start to think that maybe something is amiss?
That’s it for me for now.
Until Next Time…