Tag Archives: doctors

It’s time…

I went to the doctors with Linda this morning. I had an ulterior motive, I wanted to get the results of my COPD test that I was forced to take a couple of weeks ago. COPD for this not in the know is the new fangeled way of saying Emphasyma. I was pissed when I got the letter asking me to go. I didn’t need anything else wrong with me and I certainly didn’t want anyone telling me my lungs were shot to shit. I know I have problems… I am Asthmatic and I am a smoker. Not the best combination to have but I am also a loon who needs the calming relief of that smoking brings. That all changed this morning when I was told that I have the lungs of a 68 year old. “Cool” was my first reaction… I have the lungs of Keith Richards and I didn’t have as much fun. Then the reality kicked in not to long after that and I solemnly said to the Doc,
“Time to quit eh?”
I so wanted him to give me another out like he had in the past when we discussed my quitting and it not being a good idea at the time with my BP. No such luck today. Today he was all:
“Well it would help your lungs and not too mention it would help some with your diabetes and cleaning up your blood so it works better”
My heart sank and it dawned on me that I would have to give up one of my two and a half remaining vices and I’ll be damned if I am giving up Sex and Coffee.

So as of the end of my open packet of tobacco I am going smoke free. Which means I will be posting a lot more about how fucking miserable I am and how the world hates me… I hate myself right now. I never wanted to start smoking but was lulled into it being a week ass pussy and listening to my Best Friend at school saying:
“It’s not that bad”
Asshats the pair of us, me and him.

Mum and Linda have said they would quit with me. I’ll see that happen I am sure… when hell freezes over.
The way I see it is I just have to be strong twenty times a day and weak willed and limp for the other 20 hours of the day. I can cut that down some by sleeping and doing more proactive things…. I plan on getting our gardens in some kind of shape. So that will take two or three days to help get the crap out of my system. I just have to break that initial habit of rolling them and lighting up.

In other news, I have downloaded and am listening to a 1993 version of Jesus Christ Superstar US A.D Tour. It brings together the two leads from the 1973 film Ted Neeley as Jesus and Carl Anderson as Judas. They both sound great and it’s a great show. I saw the 2000 DVD release of the 2000 revival in London and that one is a lot more urban than this. This I think is a lot more faithful to the original version than some others I have heard and seen. Superstar can often in the wrong hands be a dangerous beast, it’s so easy to over do the camp late 60′s early 70′s Hippy crap or to the other extreme make the whole thing look like it’s guerilla warfare in the confrontation scenes.

On Monday I had my second Pathways to Work meeting and I have drawn the conclusion that it’s going to a long slog to get back to work. Not that I am rushing back at the moment. My health is no where near at the advanced stage that would even get me out there to face the rejection of not getting the jobs I go up for. The way I see it, is that people are not going to hire a loon like me when there are 25 perfectly sane people waiting in line before me. People who don’t have the baggage to have to get medically stoned to leave the house.

My post on religion is still in the works and I promise I will have yet another stab at getting it up and posted either today or tomorrow. I have to rationalise everything as I go along as it’s the way I roll. I have the basic outline but it’s fleshing it out so it’s more than just : I am Blah blah I believe Blah Blah. I want to give a reasoned argument for the way I feel the way I do.

That’s about it from me for now.

Until Next Time…

Another Day

Yep just another day in my life. Well not exactly JUST another day but it’s been pretty mundane. I have been freaking, as usual, about something way out of my control. This morning when the postman delivered our mail I was presented with the IB50 form from the Incapacity Benefit people. I knew that getting IB was to simple. This is just the start i tell ya, it’s going to end up with me having to go to Stalag 13 and have a medical and then my benefit will be stopped because they will find out that I am a fraud and am not really ill because I was having a particularly good day on the day of the medical. See what I mean, Freaking out of my own head. I have tried to pretty much keep this to myself but I don’t think I succeded to well. Mum being the form filling demon that she is had a look and said it was a cake walk to fill in and half of the forms don’t apply to me. We’ll see… I have a bad feeling about this.

After my ponderance yesterday about my CPN making an appearance sometime soon, I got a phone call this morning and she has asked to see me tomorrow afternoon at 3pm. No doubt I will get the usual health lecture about my weight and lack of exercise. It’s a bit difficult to excercise when you can’t face leaving the house unattended. Hell I can’t even walk to the shops just around the corner on my own without having a panic attack. I would take more Lorazapam but I am afraid I will become addicted to the stuff. I only get enough for 2 pills a day for a month. I take one every evening and have one spare if I do have to go out. If I went out the amount that is suggested by the doctors and CPN I would run out by mid month and be screwed for the rest of the month. I guess I will have to ask the GP to up the amount of pills he gives me or really start to suck it up and start going Lozzie free.

That’s about it from me this evening.

Until Next Time…

Time Confusion

I hate today. I spend the whole day thinking it’s a different time to that which it really is.

You see the clocks went forward today and I spend the whole day every year thinking:
“Oh It’s 3pm… but really it’s only 2pm… but it’s really 3pm”
And by the time I have my head around it being 3pm it’s actually 4pm and I think it’s actually only 3pm. It’s a vicious fucking circle that will take days to break.

In other news after 8 weeks off work I am going back to work tomorrow. New hours and new desk (no doubt). I should say that I was only off sick for three weeks… but I had to wait for clearance from all kinds of doctors to let me go back to work. Basically it took almost double the time to get back to work than I was actually off sick. Go figure eh!!!!

Oh well off to iron my trousers for work tomorrow.

Until Next Time…