I guess one could say that my mood and my mental state is improving. I have my good days and I have my bad days. Heck I can have a good hour and a bad hour. One thing that triggers a bad hour is the thought of having to go back to work. I just know that no matter how many pills they change and how much the dosage is altered I am never going to be ready to go back to work. Now Never is a mighty big word and I don’t mean that I never want to work again, because that would just be stupid and a reckless thing to wish for. The only way I could possibly stop working period is to win the lottery, and aside from the odd tenner we don’t have much luck on the old 6 balls dropping.
I wish I knew what kind of work I could do without the stress that working for my current employer hands out. I would love to work with computers in some respect. I would love to learn how to build websites properly and make a living from doing that. There is a problem with that idea though… and that is you need training and qualifications to do that kind of work… that or an amazingly artistic streak that I don’t have. You have seen some of my art work on these pages and they are nothing to shout home about. I don’t know how to use industry standard tools like the adobe suite of tools, I chose the easier option of learning Paintshop Pro. I think I am too set in my ways now to start to learn anything else. I have fun doodling with what I know but I need something to be able to step up to the plate and do more with.
I’ll not go on with my little ramble about work, just so far ask to know that I have three weeks to make a choice about what to do next.
I spoke with my pdoc on Wednesday and we decided that I should come off the Aripiprazole and increase the Reboxetine by another 2mg. I m fine with this and I think my body has become used to the reboxetine as I am no longer getting the Insomnia I was getting for the first ten days I was taking the drug. It was getting to the point where I was waking up at 3.30 am and being wide awake and not being able to sleep again until 4 or 5pm that afternoon and then going back to bed at midnight and doing it all over again. Touch wood I am over than now.
That’s it from me for now.
Until Next Time…
It’s strange to see something you find hard to believe, but when it’s not really there in the first place it takes things to a whole new level.
Let me explain the situation… I have auditory hallucinations pretty much constantly, they are dampened down by taking Risperidone, but they are always there and I am always aware of them. The rest of my cocktail is Depakote, Mirtazapine, Ariproprazole, Lamotrigine and Lorazepam The Ariproprazole wasn’t working the way it should after nearly three months, so my psychiatrist decided to wean me off that and add in Reboxetine. That link takes you to the Wikipedia page for the drug. Now I know the wiki isn’t a professional thing but it’s pretty much accurate 9 times out of 10 when it comes to Drugs. If you read the side effects list, no where…and I mean NO WHERE does it mention seeing Spiders and men walking around in your front garden and watching you sleep. That has been my life for the past week.
I have visually hallucinated before but that was after not sleeping for close to 7 days in a row ( I saw my Mr Bump cushion dance across the floor… I thought it was funny). This time it’s getting beyond a joke. I am sure that the Reboxetine is to blame but until I can be sure I don’t want to bother the Pdoc with it.
I am not overtly bothered by the hallucinations but then again I am not happy about them either. I would rather not have to keep checking the floor to see if the Spiders are coming to get me are for real or not. I hate spiders at the best of times so why my mind is making me conjure these , I have no idea.
The man in the front grden is weird as I don’t know why he is there. He’s not doing anything except walking across the grass (my mum suggests I ask him if he’ll mow the grass while he is walking about.) The funny thing is he only walks one way I never see him walk back. I wish I was dreaming all this because I could fob it off using a dream analysis but because I am most definatly awake at the time it’s pretty pointless. The person watching me sleep is not, suprisingly, alarming to me. I don’t know why that is because to any “normal” person having someone standing in the corner while you are sleeping is gonna give you the screaming habdabs.
If anyone has any insights on where i can find more info on reboxetine other than wikipedia then hook me up with a link in the comments section… esspecially if there is a link to visual hallucinations.